Wednesday, October 6, 2010

trying to figure all this out...

Life has been interesting. Lila cries, a lot and I'm trying to make my time with Charlotte count, while she does sleep. Right now, they are both sleeping, an odd and rare occurrence. Tim and I have gotten out for a couple of dates (with Lila in tow) and it has been nice. The first time, we went out for dessert and Tim randomly asked me what goals I would like to accomplish before Christmas time. My response was... I'd like to be more intentional with my time with Charlotte, doing more creative activities with her. Tim said....... no, I mean, what do you want for YOURSELF? I was stumped. Sleep deprived, barely having time to brush my teeth and wash my face before "bed", desperately trying to get a shower every day.... what to do for myself??? It seemed bizarre and strange. And yet, I knew that if I didn't do at least something, ONE thing for myself I was headed towards burn-out. And I have been.. burnt out that is. Losing patience with my beautiful daughters. Not knowing what to do with this life with two children. It's totally different.

This may sound ridiculous, but it's how I've been feeling, so therefore valid to write it down I think! And perhaps, just maybe, someone out there feels the same way.

So I couldn't think of anything. But we went on, to talk about his goals, and ideas for a book club with friends (which is in the works!). I miss reading, and I definitely miss writing. So I think my goal is going to be something to do with writing. Even writing on this blog, because I miss it! Lila is awake, so I must go now, but I will write. I know I want to write...


  1. Oh my beautiful daughter - Tim completes you and I give him full credit for knowing your heart. He is wise. You have to look after yourself in order to look after your family. Take time for you and I know that is very difficult, but oh so important. Even now, with the girls almost all grown, I tend to choose to do for others rather than myself.
    Love you guys - hugs and kisses for the girls.

  2. Pamela, such a wise post! I love that you are asking questions about yourself, and your place in the family. Being the "perfect" mom is not always best. Squeezing in that tiny little pleasure for you can give you the break you need to be able to give better to your children and husband.

    'Course, that brings you to - "What's my pleasure?" Maybe those hours of nursing and baby-holding can give you the occasion to stare out the window and day dream. You'll figure it out. You're capable, and smart and deep. Good luck!

  3. I understand. My family changed to a family of four this may. We had been a family of three for 6 years. My new addition is two, so different then a newborn. I have so much less time for myself. Some days I don't have time to eat supper. It is important days of an early change to somehow find some you time, to recharge your batteries!