Sunday, February 15, 2009

those days

I'm having one of those days today... I thought I had a dentist appointment to fix the tooth I broke on a cheesie. That's right, 1/4 of my tooth gone, from a cheesy! It was the crunchy kind, and really, I shouldn't have been eating cheesies. My "word" to describe my New Year's resolutions this year was "health". (Check out the forum discussion on New Year's Resolutions for more info.) Anyway, the dentist was sick today, so no appointment. This was agonizing to me, because I hate the dentist, and had worked myself up to go. And now I have to do it all again! So everything was thrown off today, hubby had to take the car because his drive had already left hours ago, and he was going to help with Charlotte at the dentist. So no Babies in the Library... baby would NOT go down for a nap today despite the fact that she was exhausted. And I have yet to get "ready" for the day. Pathetic, I know! I'm thinking that I need to work on the putting yourself to sleep thing with Charlotte. I am not really a fan of the "cry it out" theory. This may be my downfall when it comes to naps and going to bed, but I don't really believe in letting her cry it out. I feed her (she won't eat if she's not hungry, today was an example of that) put her down with her seahorse that plays calming music and has a soft light emanating from it's belly, rub her back, walk her.... I just can't bring myself to leave her crying in her crib. I feel like if she's crying, there is something wrong, even if it's just that she's lonely. Some of you are rolling your eyes, knowing what I am getting myself in for when she gets older and cannot soothe herself to sleep.... but for now, we will work on getting to sleep. We "practice" and I will lay her down and walk away for a while. A few times she has managed to fall asleep.

Okay, so I am crazy. Despite the fact that I am a neurotic tooth brusher and sometimes flosser, I broke my tooth. And I won't let my baby cry herself to sleep! Honestly though, I am just trying to get a handle on things, much like most first time moms. I am figuring out how to love Charlotte the best way I know how. And what the balance is between loving her, and teaching her how to be independent. Hard lessons to learn.

For now, I will relish in the fact that she is asleep, and the dog is sleeping too. And so I will take some time to exercise, shower, and start the piles of laundry that have somehow accumulated into huge piles since last week. (And maybe I'll throw a cup of tea and chocolate from Germany in there too...)

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