Lila's birth - epilogue

Lila Adelaide is an amazing, healthy, beautiful baby girl. The past three months have not been without struggle, however and there have been days (and nights) when I wondered if I was crazy. To have two children, two and under, both nursing and in diapers! Lila cried a lot in the hospital and although we have come out on the other side to a much calmer baby, she cried a lot. (She still dislikes her car seat and cries almost every time she goes in it and goes in the car.) I am learning that it is okay to ask for help and okay to welcome support with open arms. It's okay. Because life can be hard with a newborn and you don't have to be strong all the time. There were nights when I didn't even get to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face... and that's a big deal for me!

We have an amazing support system, and I am so, extremely grateful to everyone who made us a meal, prayed for us, and snuggled Lila when I felt like I just needed a break.

The support started in the hospital with Tim's parents caring so beautifully for Charlotte and easing all my worries about leaving her while we were in the hospital.

The support continued in the hospital with Mom coming to care for Lila and I and stay overnight with us while Tim went home to care for Charlotte and our crazy dog. Lila cried and cried in the night and mom was there for me, it was an incredible support to have loving arms to walk her around the room. Also to have loving arms to snuggle her while she slept so I could have a relaxing bath.

There were church family and lots of friends who made us delicious food to eat when the last thing I could think about was cooking... and friends who came over to snuggle and play with the girls. Talking to adults is so refreshing sometimes! Friends also fed and walked Ava while we were in the hospital, our poor little doggy who has been bumped to third when it comes to being loved and cared for!

My sister has been an amazing support, despite the fact that she has a newborn too! The yummy food, much needed phone calls and babysitting offers for Charlotte, are well, invaluable. Tim's sisters have been a wonderful support in this area too. We are so blessed with family surrounding us.

Of course, then there is Tim. I couldn't be the mom I am without him. He plays with Charlotte, does housework and supports me by knowing when I need to take a break. He doesn't make me feel bad when he comes home and nothing is done around the house, but the girl's are happily nursing, or playing or whatever. He is well... amazing.

This may all sound sappy and over-the-top, but sometimes you just need to say "thank you". So to all you people out there... thank you for everything.

Lila's birth part 2

When I had the 39 week appointment, the OB noticed a few signs indicating preeclampsia and she was concerned. Of course, immediately I was concerned and Charlotte and I headed to the hospital for further testing. Tim was able to meet us there and take Charlotte which was huge... I was in there for a while, strapped to the bed because of fetal monitoring. The baby's heartbeat was normal, and my blood pressure was normal as well. After doing blood work, they discovered low blood platelet levels which are a concern for blood clotting in labour. So I was to return Friday (August 20th) for further fetal monitoring and testing. I found a babysitter for Friday morning and went to the hospital by myself. The blood work revealed that my blood platelet levels had dropped further and quite a significant amount. I felt so lucky to have had Dr. Frecker for all of my OB appointments and then to discover she was on duty on Friday at the hospital. She knew my birth plan and she was so understanding and patient with me. She gave me two options: to be induced immediately or to wait until Saturday morning and get blood work done again. The problem with waiting is that if my blood platelet levels dropped further, I could have other serious complication with blood clotting in labour. The problem with being induced was that my body may not be ready and it could present difficulties in labour as well as lots of interventions. I was not mentally prepared to hear this! I called Tim and was teary explaining what our options were. I was a little scared. Dr. Frecker had recommended being induced, and after asking her my questions, I decided to do that. I would be allowed to return home, and they would only administer a half dose of the prostaglandin gel. If I did not go into labour after a few doses of the gel, it did not automatically mean that I would get pitocin. One of my worries was being able to go home and be with Charlotte and it really put my mind at ease to be able to do this. I was able to rest with her that afternoon which was exactly what I needed!

I had a few contractions that afternoon and Tim and I returned to the hospital that evening for further blood work and monitoring. We were there for hours and it was a great time for us to connect before the birth and I had brought along "Hypnobirthing: the Mongan Method" by Marie Mongan. I had read the whole book and it was a chance to practice the relaxation techniques with Tim without any distractions! The amazing thing was, as I was strapped to the fetal monitoring for hours once again, we could observe the affect of the deep breathing on my contractions. (Which were coming pretty regularly by then.) It was pretty amazing how relaxation and deep breathing directly affected the length and strength of each contraction. It was almost as if I had control of the contractions according to my breath. Tim was blown away! He could watch the results as the paper came out of the machine and see how I was controlling the contractions with my breath.

Labour had started on it's own, with just half a dose of the gel. It was best case scenario for me! We were able to return home that night knowing our baby girl was on her way. In the middle of the night labour started getting intense. I had been in contact with Abi, our doula, throughout this whole process and it was finally time to call her and tell her she should probably come into the city. She arrived in the middle of the night, and I was so thankful that Charlotte slept soundly through the whole thing! After a while of labouring at home, in bed and on the ball, we decided it was time to call Nannie and Grampie and head to the hospital. I didn't want our transition of leaving to be really difficult and Charlotte was still sound asleep. Charlotte made out amazingly well all weekend and although we had never left her overnight, she was happy as could be with Nannie and Grampie!

The drive to the hospital was a really hard part of my labour with Charlotte and I decided to pop in the relaxation CD from the "Hypnobirthing" book into the CD player. It helped me relax and the drive was over before I knew it. I had requested in my birth plan not to know my dilation number and the nurses were very respectful of that. It contributed to a lot of anxiety in my first labour which was why I just didn't want to know. Labour progressed very well, and it was completely different than my labour with Charlotte. I practiced relaxation, slept between contractions and was laying down in the bed for most of it. With Charlotte, I walked and bounced and bathed and tried to progress my labour. I made it to 7 cm (found out afterwards) using these relaxation techniques! I couple of times I thought (and worried) about Charlotte, how she was doing, whether she needed to nurse and how this new baby was going to change our lives. At one point I became really emotional and cried over it, grasping Tim's hand and hanging onto every word of encouragement he had for me.

Labour got really intense. Later I learned that she was occiput posterior (OP) position and she didn't turn until I started to push. The nurse encouraged me to labour standing up, or on the toilet. Labouring on the toilet was extremely intense and I stayed there because I thought that it would progress things. This was the moment when the OB on duty decided to come in and introduce himself to me. It was awkward and strange and I had never met him before. The other thing that bothered me about the bathroom was the awful smell of cigarette smoke. (They are shared stalls in labour and delivery.) I was shaking pretty violently and couldn't really handle this form of labouring. After returning to bed, the nurse mentioned the "P" word... and I really freaked out then. I was stuck (I didn't know how far along) and she wanted to progress the labour. Labour was so intense, I couldn't imagine adding pitocin to the mix. Abi and Tim tried to calm me down and discuss other options with the nurse. We decided to go with fentanyl at that point so that my body could relax. It was mid-Saturday the 21st at that point. I needed some rest and I think this was the best option for me at the time.

After having fentanyl for a bit, I felt the intense urge to push. The problem was, I was loopy and felt completely out of control. I had progressed to 10 cm while resting and now it was time! It was scary to feel like my mind was elsewhere and my body was pushing full force. It is a good thing fentanyl leaves your system quickly and soon I was pushing. The first push (or maybe two?) she did a complete turn. The doctor was aiding in this too... talk about intense. Twenty minutes of pushing and she was here.... it was surreal.

I snuggled my baby, brought her to my breast and she nursed like a champion! The nurses were shocked, they had rarely seen a newborn nurse for 40 minutes straight before! I was closely monitored for bleeding and stayed in the labour and delivery ward for a long time after she was born.

I fell asleep afterwards with the cell phone in hand!

Charlotte finally met her when I went to the maternity ward. It was emotional and amazing all at the same time. Charlotte was so uncertain about everything, the hospital, me laying in bed, it was all so strange for her. She received a doctor's kit from Lila and she was so excited about it. The nurse on duty was so nice and let Charlotte help... she was so interested in everything that was going on! Charlotte didn't nurse right away as I thought she would. It wasn't until Sunday that she wanted to nurse again.

One thing that was really surprising was the afterpains. Although I had had some with Charlotte, they were extremely intense with Lila. I was in tears, it felt like I was in labour again. With a bit of time they subsided. I didn't have any stitches and felt pretty good, although exhausted. Lila was feisty, loud and demanding from the very beginning! She cried most of the nights and I had to wrap my brain around having a high needs baby along with my busy and beautiful toddler!

As I reflect back, I know that my labour would not have been the experience it was without my husband and without our amazing doula. She was there for us the entire time, actively suggesting options for labouring positions and relaxation techniques. She was the calm presence when things got hard. She supported me the entire time. She held me and rubbed my back and snuggled my baby when she was born. She switched the CD when we needed some different music! She brought battery operated candles and dimmed the lights to create a relaxing atmosphere in the hospital. And these are just a few things... after having a doula with Charlotte, there was no way we were going without for our second baby. And although Emilie was not available (she gave birth a few days before we did!) Abi was amazing. Thank you Abi, for making our experience an amazing and memorable one. We love you!

Lila's birth part 1

How do you begin the story of one's birth? It is a miracle, a journey, time suspended.

The few weeks before Lila was born were uncomfortable and yet I still didn't quite feel prepared to make the transition to two. I didn't even pack my bags until I was 40 weeks or so, and even then, they were partially packed.

I wasn't emotionally prepared to leave Charlotte and I really wasn't sure how she was going to make out without nursing to sleep and during the night (if she woke up). I tried to treasure my time with Charlotte and remember that this was it... before everything was going to change.

We had our pictures done by a good friend (who is a potter - check out shaniestozek.com) and decided to do an outdoor shoot. The pictures here are a few from our shoot. I love having these memories, the last few before our family of three became a family of four. Tim and I went on some dates and saw a few movies.... a date night that is hard to pull off with a fussy newborn!

Wednesday morning (August 18th) Charlotte and I went to the beach and played in the sand and tried to cool down in the water. We had a picnic and enjoyed time with my cousin and her little guy! After a visit with Kathryn and Eden, we headed to the OB for my 39 week appointment. Little did I know that I would be heading to the hospital for monitoring and blood work that day, and induced two days later! My emotions were all over the place, and I was scared for my baby and for the loss of my ideal of what her birth was going to be like...

Birth Matters

I attended my first Birth Matters meeting a couple of weeks ago now, and subsequently, was involved in the question period in the Legislature the following day! The women and men who are involved in this organization are dedicated to working with the government to get midwifery legislated and in place in this province. It goes beyond getting midwives in NB, to making sure that the rules and regulations make sense and will be effective. It's a difficult process, and a lot of work, and I only understand a teeny bit of it all!

It was great to meet the women at the initial meeting and discuss many things related to the subject of midwifery in NB. It's amazing the inquiries that Birth Matters receives each WEEK from families and women in NB and people who want to move to NB but are hesitant because of the lack of birthing options here. It is important to a lot of people. The government here promised that midwives would be working in Fall of 2009. Now the promise is Spring of 2010, and it is highly unlikely that everything will be in place by this time. There are no midwives currently working in New Brunswick as they had to go take jobs elsewhere.

The meeting at the Legislature was interesting, although extremely long and we were very warm being up in the gallery. I brought Charlotte and she was AMAZING......... one of the mom's brought suckers and she had her very first sucker.... and she was in heaven :)

If you are interested in seeing the opposition question the Liberal Department of Health Minister, click here and it runs from 22:45 to 28:37.

What can you do? One way to make a difference, is to write to the Minister of Health and let her know that having legislated midwifery proclaimed in NB is important to you.

Ministre Mary Schryer
25 William Court
Quispamsis, New Brunswick
E2E 4B1

(taken from the Birth Matters website)

There were a few articles on this meeting in the Legislature, here is the one from the Daily Gleaner - it's a good one! I was interviewed and ended up on CBC radio, but unfortunately, missed the airing! I hope my thoughts were well represented.

And I should note: I did not have a terrible birth experience with Charlotte. It was long, and difficult, but I am not anti-obstetrician or anything like that. I think that obstetricians play an important role for women who have difficulties in labour and have high risk pregnancies. I think that women in NB need options for their care, and that care by midwives is superior in that it is personal - you receive care from a couple of consistent people. Also, you have amazing post-partum care, which is basically non-existent in our current system. Anyway, just my personal thoughts, and I would love to hear what you think!!

yup, we're having a baby!

So the news is out - we are expecting baby Naugler #2! This baby is already holding a huge place in our hearts. I thought I was having a miscarriage at one point and so as you can imagine, we were extremely anxious and relieved after having an early ultrasound, confirming that our babe is growing and healthy so far! It is amazing and overwhelming all at once. My due "month" is late August and so I have just about reached my 12 week mark.

Many thoughts are constantly swirling in my head, regarding this baby's birth and entrance into our family. I am committed to nursing Charlotte for as long as she wants to, and so tandem nursing is probably in our future! I am really excited about this, and have purchased the book "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" by Hilary Flower. It is the only book that I could find so far exclusively on the subject. I will write more on this as I finish the book and reflect on the possibilities of tandem nursing in our family. I was really excited to meet a real-life woman (as opposed to reading about them on the internet!) who nursed two of her babes at the same time. I look forward to getting lots of tips and encouragement from her :)

One big obstacle that I can't stop thinking about is the birth of this baby. I was in labour with Charlotte for a long time and I'm not sure how Charlotte (who might still be nursing) will handle this. Having a home birth with a midwife is not an option in New Brunswick. (Unless you pay for a midwife to come from another province or from the States.) At one point, there were some licensed midwives working in NB and you could pay them out of pocket to birth your babies. As legislation has been pushed back and pushed back and nothing has been put in place, most (or maybe all) of these trained midwives have had to leave the province in order to find work elsewhere. For this reason, I hope to become involved in Birth Matters which is a non-profit organization working to have midwives working under our medical system. I think that having a midwife would allow me to have a lot more flexiblity in the birthing of this baby and allowing Charlotte to not be separated from us for a long period of time. I still need to look into the policies of our hospital regarding toddlers visiting labour and delivery and also visiting and staying in the maternity ward. My inclination (after trying to be a breastfeeding mom while going through gall bladder surgery and complications when Charlotte was a week and a half) is that it will NOT be easy, and perhaps, impossible for Charlotte to stay at the hospital with us, just because she is breastfeeding.

Anyway, I need to invest a lot more time in research about this whole process. Perhaps Charlotte will self-wean before the time comes. Or perhaps she will nurse a lot less. But I need to be prepared as she might still be nursing quite a bit. It is a bit nerve wracking for me, as I don't have many options, and it costs a lot of money to bring a midwife from Maine or Ontario.

For now, I am enjoying every special nursing time with Charlotte. She is becoming quite a chatterbox and I love spending my days with her.

On another note, I am also thoroughly enjoying the book "Creative Family" by Amanda Soule. I just started it today, and I am being challenged to be creative in my own life. I just finished the section on Graditude and oh my, I have not been very outwardly grateful in my everyday life. There have been a lot of stressful things going on with the business which affects our future and some pretty huge decisions. I have been affected by this in my attitude and have been stressed (as has Tim). I hope to change the stress in the air tonight as we have dinner with my sis and her husband and relax and hang out together. I want to start saying the things that I am grateful for out loud! And encouraging genuine gratitude without forcing Charlotte to say thank you all the time. Have a wonderful, gratitude filled weekend!

our journey to our doula

Every once in a while I find myself reflecting on my birth experience with Charlotte. I have mentionned previously in my blog that we had a doula. A doula is a labour coach and he or she provides support to the whole family before, during and after labour. She is really part of your journey as you go through this life altering experience together.

I had read about doulas in books and online articles early on in my pregnancy. Tim didn't really see the importance of having this type of labour support and thought that that's what the nurses were there for. You also have to pay for doulas yourself and he was nervous about spending the money as we were about to add another person to our family! In the spring, I attended the fredkid fair and spent some time talking with the doula who was working at the infomation table they had, all about the work of doulas. She told me about Emilie, who was working towards getting her certification. (Check out dona.org for more information.) I told Tim all about this, and because Emilie was still working towards certification, she might not cost the full price and money was a big limitation at this point.

In the summer we attended two different prenatal courses. The first was with Kathryn Downtown and it was focused on natural birth. It was fabulous. Kathryn is a doula herself and after this workshop, Tim realized that hiring a doula might not be a bad idea! Kathryn spoke about the role of the doula. They are not meant to take the place of the husband in the process. In fact, they can be a huge support to the husband and allow him to have breaks throughout the process. She talked about the doula as an advocate for the mother's wishes and desires about their birth experience.
The second prenatal class we went to was through the VON and our teacher was Kelly Ebbett. There are a couple of options for this class and we choose meeting one evening a week instead of doing a full weekend course. This class was also very good and Kelly was an amazing teacher. She is also a doula and she trains doulas too! (Check out her website for more information.) I saw Kelly at the global breastfeeding challenge and she said that her doula training class is more popular than she ever thought it would be! I think that is it wonderful that so many women are interested in doula training and hope that the word spreads about the value of having the support of a trained doula during labour.

After many discussions, Tim and I decided to meet with Emilie Patterson and decide after our first meeting if we would hire her to be our doula. Most doula's will allow you to do this without charge so that you can decide if they are the right person to hire. Emilie was wonderful. She was calm and a great listener. We decided to hire her! I think we had two prenatal appointments after the first meeting. She was available for birth two weeks before and two weeks after our due date. She also included a post natal appointment.


Emilie coached me through almost all of my contractions, telling me when they were peaking and receding. She was a calm, steady presence through the whole process. She stayed with me for many, many hours and had to express milk because she was still breastfeeding her son. She walked with us on the trail and spoke encouraging words over me. She must have been exhausted by the end, but was thrilled to meet Charlotte. She also gave us a beautifully written birth story after everything was over.

Tim is now adamant that we have a doula for future children! Full price, or whatever the cost! Having a doula allowed us to have the birthing experience we had only dreamed about. I highly recommend getting the support! Check out the section on prenatal birth options on fredkid.com for doulas in our area. If you are pregnant and interested in a doula, you can contact Emilie at er_patterson@yahoo.ca. Happy birthing!!

Midwifery

Happy International Day of the Midwife.

Here's hoping everything will be in place for New Brunswick soon. There are people working very hard for this, THANK YOU to each one. Many of us will reap the benefits of your labour.

I don't know why I have been posting so much lately, a little addicted? Had a wonderful day today, and so proud of Tim who brought home his RED SEAL tonight. (He has completed his apprenticeship after years of hard work.) Just started reading "Diaper Free" by Ingrid Bauer, so fascinating, I can barely put it down. Found it at Chapters, a little treasure tucked under some other books that were on sale. Charlotte has been going to bed consistently at 9 pm, which is such a gift.

Tim got home a bit early today, and we made a family trip to the park. Charlotte's first time in a swing, and she enjoyed it! Now I must switch over my laundry and throw in the diapers from today. Despite all the unexpected happenings so far this month (shall I say... exterminator??) I feel so content and peaceful.

birthing experience

Tonight, at 7 pm in Tilley Hall on the UNB campus, Birth Matters is showing the movie "The Business of Being Born" followed by a panel discussion with a local obstetrician, midwife, nurse and mother. It is a powerful movie and I watched it many times before giving birth to Charlotte. I convinced Tim to watch it as well, and after seeing it, he finally understood why natural birth was so important to me. He was willing to get a doula (a person who provides labour support), which made ALL the difference in the delivery of Charlotte. I posted my version of Charlotte's birth story on the fredkid website... click here to read it. And add your own to the forum. I think it is really important to share your story after you give birth, it helps you process the life-changing experience that has just happened to you.

I am going to share an excerpt from a letter that our doula, Emilie, wrote to Charlotte. She explained her birth story in a beautiful way. It is tucked in Charlotte's baby book, for her to read and discover someday. I couldn't thank Emilie enough for what she provided for our family. She was a calm, steady comfort throughout the whole experience. She knew how my contractions progressed and how to encourage me through each one. She allowed Tim to get a coffee and some food after 24 hours of labour. If you are thinking about getting a doula, GET ONE!



"At the DECH, your mom's first nurse was Barb. She took the time to explain to your mom and dad what they could expect from the hospital. She explained the different pain meds available, and how they would keep an eye on you to make sure you were happy and healthy on your way out. At this point, your mom was about 2 cms dilated, but she was effaced quite a bit. That was a good start. Pamela tried the ball for a while, and walked around the labour and delivery unit. After a couple hours, though, she hadn't dilated any further. So, she and your dad decided that it would be best to labour in the comfort of home.

At home, your mom was doing well. She was cheerful and excited. We all went for a walk, Ava included, on the walking trail nearby. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, people were out walking and playing baseball. The only thing unusual about that day was that every so often, a very pregnant woman would stop and lean into her husband's arms and slow dance her pain away! I watched your mom and dad go into their own little world during every contraction, and I must admit that it was the most beautiful thing I had seen in a long time! Back at the house, we passed the time. By now, the contractions were stronger and after a quick visit with some friends who dropped by with good wishes, your mom decided to try the bath. This helped things along, and the contractions started coming faster and harder. It helped a lot to have a cold cloth on her forehead, and to have water poured on her belly during contractions. When your mom started having trouble focusing, and I noticed her getting shaky and losing her good humour, I suggested that we head to the DECH again. This was starting to look like very active labour! However, things were not quite as they seemed…"

It was hard, my love, but amazing the moment you arrived. I love remembering the day you came into the world to be with us, bringing joy to our family.